I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
