The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
