Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
