In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
