your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
All I want is dick and wine.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
