I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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