I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
