My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
