smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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