Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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