Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
