During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
