How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
