My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
