Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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