wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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