I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
