pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
the gays at disneyland are vicious
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
