So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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