my vag is so smooth its legendary
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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