Will you blow on my dice?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
