sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
