So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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