good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
