my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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