yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
