the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
