I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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