I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
