someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
