i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
