No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
