um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
