i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
