marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
