why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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