and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
