All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
