Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
