theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I didn't notice because vodka
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
