there's paper in my vomit.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
