Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
