There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
