So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
