Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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