I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
