He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
