I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize