You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
