I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
