my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
